Um…ok, let’s go wash your hands

So we’re getting to that point in our toddler’s life [yes I said toddler! It is heartbreaking] where if she is not in sight and it is quiet, that something bad is 99.9% happening. She has been able to walk now for over a month and often gives into her curiosity and starts to explore. Typically she is found eating Mommy’s hair. Very gross but this isn’t the worst. We have been known to chow down on some cat food. The picture below was her indulging in a few scoops of lotion. Yummy!

And what goes with lotion?? Well of course, a couple of scoops of water from the toilet. Yes. My daughter quenches her thirst from the toilet. I am not even going to pose the question if this is normal or not.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

I forget that babies are little sponges. They pick up on the little things that we do. I don’t even realize this at times. The other week, while trying to multi-task, I left Jenna in front of the TV watching one of her videos. She typically is content and will stay in one place. I came back downstairs about 5-10 minutes later (bad mommy) and I see Jenna standing over a pool of saliva. And of course my blackberry phone is swimming in the middle of the man-made pond. It was saturated. Needless to say: it was broken. Like permanently broken. The kind of broken when you take it to the Verizon store and they show you the water-damaged indicator within the phone, which was turned bright red, indicating severe water damage.

Where am I going with this? My 14 month old now has her own phone. A pink blackberry phone, just like her mommy did…past tense. Sigh. A month or so ago I took pictures of her chatting on the phone, when it functioned. They were hilarious. I was driving over the weekend and I hear in the background her chatter:

“Hahhhyaaa”. “Haaayahhhaa”. “Hahyaahha”.


I look in my mirror and there she is, holding the blackberry up to her ear and chatting away. Little monkey is just like mommy monkey.

The TOP 10

I wanted to prove to the husband that I am capable of blogging my not-so-wonderful qualities/behaviors. I FREQUENTLY do something “bad” and he goes…”gonna put that on the blog?”. So YES Alex…I am. Just like the top 10 on late night TV shows…here is my TOP 10 BAD LAURA list:

10. I am known to leave the bed in an un-made state…often.
9. When I am hungry, I am a beast to be around. I tend to come back to normal after I eat something.
8. I don’t know the word “No”.
7. I tend to take on primate cleansing behavior and “pick” at the hubby – gag, gross, I know.
6. I forget to feed the cat…often…again.
5. I take on more primate cleansing behaviors with our daughter's ears and nose.
4. I yell at the hubby when he puts butter on foods because that is gross and unnecessary…especially foods like sticky buns…it is already loaded with butter fatty!!
3. I nag and am judgemental and monitor the hubby’s food intake…see #4
2. I throw out milk cartons and do not remember to rinse them out. The house then has a rancid smell and I blame the hubby
.….
#1: I forget to pay a certain fairy at times…ask my mom, she’s in debt to the fairy too!

I am not perfect. Alex, you’re welcome.

She said what?!

The baby is no longer a baby. She is officially a toddler, as she has progressed to the next room at the daycare. The toddler room. Where they wear shoes [we only have one pair that fits], sleep on nap-mats, and drink from sippy cups. She’s a big girl!! Jenna finally learned how to walk, which was fantastic to see. Within one week, she was walking, climbing out of beds, and attempting to open the door. I swear this next statement is not made up: she was doing the hand gestures for the “Itsy Bitsy Spider” song!! They were wreckless and off-beat, but I KNEW that she was doing it!!

So yes, she is VERY smart…but compared to ALL of our friends who have babies, she’s a genius like the rest of them. We have a significant number of friends with babies around Jenna’s age. They all have their own special tricks, capabilities, and talents. And like Jenna, I am sure that they stick their finger in the nose, stick out their tounge, and pass-gas in public! All the babies are perfect in their own ways.

You would think as a parent, you wouldn’t start being competitive with your offspring when they are at this age…YOU WOULD THINK. I am not naming names but there is one person I know, who proceeded to take competition between my kid and their kid, to an unmentionable level. Let’s just say that I was told, at a family event, that my 1 year old can CURSE! Imagine that! My own little sailor. Well, if you saw her learn to walk, she did look like a intoxicated sailor. So sure, XXXXXX [not mentioning this idiot’s name]…jenna dropped the F-BOMB! Thank you for announcing this fictious statement to an entire group of people.

I guess my kid is the SMARTEST of all the kids out there….

Mmmm…Bacon.

In honor of an appetizer that I will be making for a family get together this weekend, I had to share a fantastic story. A little background is required to truly appreciate it:

I am Jewish. My husband is Catholic. I grew up eating fish for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The same can be said about him, except it was pork. He and his family love pork. That is an understatement but in order to remain in some good graces, I will leave it at that. Recalling one Christmas holiday where there was 14 different pork products served in less than 24 hours. I was baffled by a pig’s ability to reincarnate itself in 14 different dishes. I digress.

While on a walk with a dear friend, a BLT dip appetizer was mentioned. I smiled and shouted with glee! I was going to make this for Alex’s family and be the hit of the party! I always over do it and so I decided to double the recipe. A recipe that already took 1 pound of bacon. Being the good Jewish girl that I am…well not that good considering I married a pork eating Catholic, I committed myself to making the recipe. When explaining the recipe to the hubby, he mentioned how his mother used to cook the bacon in the microwave. Seeing as I was not very proficient at making bacon (disclaimer here that turkey bacon is not real bacon and it cooks differently), I let Alex do the “cooking”.

Fast forwarding the story…I went somewhere and came back and the house smelled of bacon. I go into the kitchen and see Alex standing next to the microwave with paper towels everywhere and this giant square shaped pile on a plate. It can only be described as a layered concoction of bacon and paper towels. Alex had decided that he was going to microwave two pounds of bacon…ALL AT ONCE!

At first I was livid, I was beside myself! All that bacon, ruined! You would have thought that it was fillet mignon. Then I thought more about what I had walked into and realized that he was microwaving TWO POUNDS of BACON! Then I really lost it. But this time, it was from laughing.

To this day he will deny and then confirm the events discussed above. My eyes were tearing up just writing this blog entry! Looking forward to trying this recipe again!

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs!

This is the point in the blogging process where the proud parents take the opportunity to tell the entire world (or small blog reading community) that we have the SMARTEST BABY EVER! Yes, it has been officially acknowledged by the AAABA – Amazing AND Accelerated Baby Academy. Coincidentally, AAABA is a common phrase spoken by our genius of a baby..Ok never mind, she’s not a genius, but she is REALLY SMART!

We have been watching sign-language videos for the past 3+ months. She is in love with these videos. “Rachel” is the woman in the videos. She lives in our TV. We ask “Where’s Rachel?” and Jenna looks immediately to the TV. She will only watch these two videos. When nothing else will calm her, we watch “Rachel”. We know ALL of the songs and ALL of the signs. “Let’s Dance! Dance! Do the Diaper Dance!”

Within the past month, Jenna has really started to accelerate in the signing. She often “signs” to herself. It is PRECIOUS! To date, this is everything that she can sign intentionally:

Eat, More, Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Cat, Dog, Bird, All Done, Milk, Horse, Frog, Fish, Baby, Ball, Car, Head/Hat, Shoe, Thank you, Please.

Enough bragging for one day!

Free to a good home…

One Cat. One Husband. One Cat and Husband. Errr…fine, never mind.

Husbands and wives often share the household chores. For almost the past 2 years, when I got pregnant, throughout the pregnancy, post pregnancy and still now…Alex has been the person responsible for scooping the cat litter. I have entrusted him with this very difficult task. The cat is really not particular and she lets the litter sit for a week. How hard can that be? Some cats require instant cleanings…but not ours. On a few occasions SOMEBODY forgets to clean the litter and the other SOMETHING decides that the carpet is more suitable then the overflowing box of waste…can you blame her? Now this other SOMEBODY, yours truly, has this uncanny ability to discover these disgusting bombs and having to clean them because the husband is not around. These events are beyond horrific. I will leave details out.

Last week it occurred again. It was lethal. I needed a gas mask and rubber gloves to handle the situation. I will offer the readers some reprieve by not posting the picture that was sent to the husband. This other picture speaks for itself.

Again….Free to a good home. One Cat and One Husband. Cash Only. No Refunds. Potentially may be open for a Trade In?? Bad Wife.

Dear Playskool and Fisher-Price…

To whom it may concern:

Your toys are failing to live up to their expectations. I am disappointed in your ability to capture my child’s attention. You really need to step it up. It takes the skill of a military trained bomb detonator to take toys out of their packaging. Is it really necessary to secure a plastic dog with that much tape and wire? The cardboard they’re packaged in can only be cut by a machete.

Once I get your toy out, the obnoxious songs and bright colors fall by wayside compared to the cell phone charger, the TV remote control, the cordless phone, um…what else, the puffball cat toy…you get the point! My child is more entertained with a package of butt wipes. What am I missing here?

In closing, do your job better toy makers.

Sincerely, Disgruntled Mother of a 1 year old who gets into EVERYTHING

(Sorry, guess I should have prefixed this complaint letter with that disclaimer)

PINK PINK PINK!

Here are some pictures from our "friends" birthday party this past weekend. The theme was HOT PINK ladybugs...since mommmy strongly dislikes the color red! A special thanks to all the friends that came to celebrate with us :) and a special thanks to one special one for making it all happen (and making 80+ hot pink ladybug decorated cupcakes!)

opening gifts
mommy and daddy singing
jenna in her birthday outfit
mmmm....cupcakes!

She had Junk in the Trunk. Trunk. Trunk.

Guys like that….What? What? Baby move that Butt…ok yes. Enough. Reminds me of college days!

A typical morning in our household: Alex decides that we will reward all his hard work of clearing out the garage by parking his car in the garage last night. No big deal. I came home after him last night and parked my car in the driveway. No big deal. Alex leaves for work at 6:00 am…not a huge deal because I was already up. So I get in my car and move it out of the driveway. I am waiting in the car for him to pull out of the garage and so I can return back to the house. No movement. This is typical Alex…whenever we’re running somewhere, most of the times behind schedule, he has to quickly run back in to get that thing he forgot, or do this one thing that could wait a week or has been waiting for a week. So I am trying to be patient….which I am TERRIBLE at…and still, no movement. Then I finally see him heading down the driveway…ON FOOT. His car battery is dead. He mumbles something about extreme temperatures drain batteries, blah blah blah. It is early…I am not pay attention. So we get his car out and align it with mine so we can jump his car.


Alex has a sweet vintage 1997 Gold Camry. Very classy though it has a higher crime rate compared to other cars because older people often think that that is their 90’s Gold Camry and they try to get into it. I have my Volvo XC90…I love my car …the perfect soccer mom vehicle.


Step 1, open hoods. Camry - Check. Volvo....How do you do that?? I have not opened the hood yet of my Volvo. I consult the trusty owner’s manual, which I have yet to read, 2 years later. There are a lot of bells and whistles of my car that I haven’t quiet discovered yet. Mental note, in all your free time, read the owner’s manual. Sure. Ok. Volvo - Check.


Step 2, attach jumper cables to batteries. Camry battery attached – Check. Volvo battery….Volvo battery…um…where is it? Mind you it is early, but both of us were pretty awake at this point. Where is the BATTERY in a Volvo? Consult the trusty manual….ah…in the trunk. Clever Swedish Engineers! I think Alex’s words were “What the hell kind of car is this?” I reply “It’s a spaceship!”. He wasn’t amused.

It is nearing 6:15 am or so at this point and Alex really needs to get on the road. We open the trunk and find the battery. There are these giant clamp/fastens keeping the battery secure. You need a jackhammer to get those bolts off! We’re screwed! ONLY US!


What happens next? Our dear friend Lynne has been staying with us once a week because she is doing work in the area. We used her car, which doesn’t have a battery in the trunk, to jump start Alex’s car. Off to work he went, back inside I went. All is well again.


I love my Volvo.

today was a fairytale

happy first birthday jenna!

today my baby girl turned one. it was one of the best days of my life, and rounding out by far the best year of my life. i knew i wanted kids but never knew how much i would love being a mom. or even what that meant. today was for alex and i. jenna is one, she won’t remember this day from any other day this week. we were able to celebrate our survival as parents. we did it!

the birthday girl and daddy playing with jenna's new friend.

Brush, Brush, Brush….Brush Your Teeth!

When you have kids…EVERYTHING is a song. The melody is the same, the words are just interchanged.

We started to brush Jenna’s teeth with this “BabyOrajel Tooth & Gum Cleaner”. You use this plastic paper thin toothbrush like a thimble by sticking your finger into it…and then you brush the little razors in your child’s mouth with more or less, your finger. The toothpaste is loaded with sugary sweetness, so as the jaws of life are clamping down on your finger, the sucking force of a vacuum cleaner is suctioning the toothbrush thimble to your finger. This product was designed by the devil. I do not recommend this toothbrush…unless you want to know what a raw steak feels like in a lion’s cage!

Rock, Paper, Scissors, POOP!

Oh yes, my husband and I play this game. One would classify me as competitive and though simple to play, this game gets me pretty fired up! Sometimes we’ll play just to play…I guess you get kind of bored with each other at the 7 year mark. Other times it is for little things, like turning off the light when we go to bed. We take it pretty seriously, to see who can out smart who. You see, it is game of skill, finesse, and tactics…ok, it is pure luck.

The latest round was to determine who would change the little bomb that had gone off in Jenna’s diaper…not that either of us really mind changing diapers. It is funny what a 40-hour work week away will make you miss. Though changing diapers is not near the top of the list. So yes, the stakes were high when we battled it out in the game of presenting one of three different hand gestures in synch to the other person. Who knew parenthood could be so much fun!

Seriously Hot

Have you noticed more that people are saying “seriously” a lot? A one word statement/question: Seriously? Mostly replied to an event or statement that is over the top ridiculous. “Seriously?” is the new “That’s Hot!”. Sorry Paris.

Today my husband agreed to take a walk after I got home from work. We’re in the middle of a heat wave by the way. Brownie points scored for him. He decides that he would like to walk in the outfit that he is currently wearing. When I ask him if he was sure about that, he replied with a firm yes. I then provided him a look equating to a “Seriously?”. Mid-way thru the walk, he is visibly sweating and very uncomfortable. The dark shirt and khaki shorts are not helping. I had appropriate workout clothing on and felt warm but not terrible. As the beads of sweat are pouring down his forehead and the burlap material shorts have quadrupled their original pre-walk weight, I was blessed with a “you were right”.

Seriously, you may ask…I say That’s Hot!

my first entry

Hello and welcome to my blog. This is my first attempt at doing anything like this so hopefully I stay committed to it and keep everyone laughing along the way. The title of this blog, “You Said ‘I Do’!” was directly pulled from the mouth of my wonderful, loving, opinionated, never-short-of-extra-pennies-for-her-2-cent-contributions…my mother. She often reminds my husband Alex of this decision he made on May 18th 2008, when he promised to take me as his wife. So yes, Alex, and ALL men out there that said “I Do!” this blog is for you!

I often remind myself that I said those 2 words that fine day. This pops into my head when I am staring at my husband…you know, in that way where you could have sworn that you never met that person in your life. Like after some outlandish behavior or absurd comment, or best yet, a familiar discussion that has occurred on oh let’s say, 15 prior occasions! I say to myself, did I really say “I Do”? Commit myself to this looney-toon for the rest of my life? I have received reciprocal looks back from him…where his eyes are saying “who is this crazy woman and how can I transform her??”

This blog is not a marriage bashing forum. I love my husband more than I probably will be able to show him in our lifetime. It is just that constant reminder that in a relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together (us going on 7 years) that every day you learn something new about the other person. And every day, you will re-live a day you’ve already lived…good and bad.

My hope that in this blog, I will share funny stories of present day, those “Seriously?” moments, updates on our precious baby girl, and everything else going on my life. I am a wife, a mother, and everything else in between. I wear all of these hats, often concurrently, with pride.

Thanks for checking in and hope that you return to hear all about what’s going in the Wilhelm world.

lots of love, laura